
When mum and I landed in Perth, I had no idea what to expect. I felt out of my depth and unsure of how I would manage. Preparing your home for stressful situations is challenging!
Have you ever felt like that?
In times of stress, it can be easy for things to go pear-shaped. Regular routines (these are usually my daily saviour!) get turned upside down as can the house.
As small habits start to fall away, the ripple effect can touch bigger, more important tasks, and overwhelm can set in.
If you have been through a stressful situation, then you may have experienced this.
I had one huge advantage. I had warning, time to prepare and I knew what would help me. I’m writing this blog to help anyone who is in a stressful situation or know one’s coming!
Let me take a step back and explain my situation to give you context. Mum, my brother and sister, and their families all live in Sydney. Mum lived alone and the signs started to show - we got the dreaded diagnosis, dementia. After many conversations, we knew mum could no longer live alone. It would be best for her to stay with me – for how long, who knows.
The only thing that felt certain in my life, the only thing I had control over, was my home. I’ve been in stressful situations before (who hasn’t!), and I know how my erratic brain goes into overdrive, I know how messy, forgetful I can really be. I’ve been there and I’ll do anything to prevent it.
Let me walk through what I did and what really helped me. If you are already in a stressful situation - it’s never too late to start.
Preparing and Getting Clarity
I started by asking myself some key questions (I’ve added my answers, in case it’s helpful):
What is the current situation? Mum’s got dementia.
What do I need, what are my priorities for this situation?
- To be able to easily manage both of our stuff.
- A bedroom for mum (my only spare room was effectively a storeroom).
- Keep my business going
How can I prepare my home for this situation?
- Deal with everything currently in the spare room (gawd!).
- Create easy access areas for mum.
- Buy a bed and mattress for mum.
- Business focus only on looking after my community and bookings.
What will make life easier during this transition – what do I need to forfeit or postpone?
- Forfeit the luxury of storing stuff for future projects or uses. If I don’t need it now or really love it, do I have space to keep it and still manage my home easily (this is key for my erratic brain, I’ve been through stressful situations without doing this and it ain’t pretty)?
- Postpone other to-do list priorities like adding new drainage pipes (yipes this is important, so was a hard one to downgrade)
- Postpone building a new offering that has shown promise (was excited about this, so will get back to it as soon as I feel comfortably able!)
- Postponed catch ups with friends (I need support so, only while I prep the house)
- Forfeited catch ups with business colleagues (aww this one hurts as will need to be a bit longer term)
Preparing your home for stressful situations
And so began the game of Tetris: things moved, decluttered, rearranged, purchased.
Over about a month, I shifted so many things around the house. Shelving from the garage were added to existing in the storeroom, this took some working out! Items for my talks moved to high shelves in my bedroom and so much more.
I tackled it step by step, working backwards as I didn’t want piles to start forming (super important for my brain and sanity. Overwhelm creeps in when piles of stuff start to form, so I knew the best strategy was to stop them from the get-go).
Every time I decided where something would be best placed, I then had to either find a home for what was already there or declutter it. Nothing was moved until I had decided where it would go and had cleared that space. This technique takes time, perseverance and focus.
Shelves and easy to open containers for mum were purchased and installed in the kitchen. Easy access area for mum’s dog and spare toiletries were set up in the linen closet.
Emotional Challenges and Coping Mechanisms
Navigating this life transition was emotionally taxing. Saying goodbye to items and routines I was attached to wasn’t easy. As a tight knit family, we siblings leaned on each other. Finding free resources like Facebook support groups and care lines also really helped.
Balancing emotional support for mum (and me) with more practical requirements needed constant adjusting and self-compassion.
What will help you? maybe journaling or practicing mindfulness (I go in and out of these techniques) works for you. Perhaps support group or community services are available?
Practical tips
Preparing for a stressful event
- Start early and break tasks into manageable steps. Breaking each task right down helps utilise those small little time gaps most of us end up with throughout the day. Otherwise thinking where 10/15 minutes can be slotted into the calendar
- Prioritise what is essential and let go of non-urgent tasks. Triage the tasks – decide what is urgent and important (do first), important but not urgent (do next), not important or urgent (decide if they even need to be done).
- Think outside the square on what storage will make life easier. Consider which storage areas of the home are easiest to access, would using wall space (like shelving or hooks), multipurpose furniture or containers (like under-bed storage, stackable or easy open bins) help.
Daily tips:
- Have a separate on-going list of things that need to happen for you and anyone else
- Be kind to yourself, especially if things go wrong – I like to think of it as a lesson for next time
- Accept help and support, even if it’s just to unload feelings, it all helps
- Introduce one new habit at a time (whether for you or for someone else).
- Keep old, helpful habits in place (my fav is adding regular used items to the shopping list as soon as they’re opened)
Throughout this journey, I’ve learned the importance of flexibility and self-compassion. Despite the challenges, I’ve found unexpected positives, like stronger family bonds and a reminder of my resilience.
I hope this blog provides some comfort and guidance to those of you navigating similar challenges. Remember, it’s okay to take it one step at a time, and seeking support is a strength, not a weakness.
Don’t delay, start today
Sara